I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
