SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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