You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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