so explain again why im purple
no
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
