Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize