ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
