Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
don't judge my taste in strippers
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
