i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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