i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
