So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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