It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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