i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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