member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
