i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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