Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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