I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
