I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
