My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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