He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
