Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
