i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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