Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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