matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
