your thong is hanging out like whoa
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
