I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
