Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize