Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
