Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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