What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
