Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her vagine was all disorganized.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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