Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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