Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
