You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize