Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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