and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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