Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
