we made out on top of his cat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
