No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so let's talk penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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