weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
