Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
