I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
