you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
