Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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