This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
