My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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