Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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