Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
