I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
