Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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