She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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