pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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