Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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