So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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