There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
