You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
