I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
