Plan B is the new Plan A
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My penis needs a shock collar
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
