I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
