Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
