tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
