i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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