its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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